Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
