WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
