i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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