Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
