dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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