Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
