May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
