return my video game
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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