your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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