It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
