Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
