I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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