Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
