1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
