Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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