yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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