Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i would punch a child for taco bell
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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