This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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