What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
