My Higher Power is John Stamos
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
