I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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