The maid of honor just puked.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
