I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
