Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
