I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
