i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
