You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
