He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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