i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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