It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
