1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
