used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
40s are totally the cure
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
MIDGETS
????
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
