we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
