You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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