When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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