Just cropdusted the office
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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