What a fucking waste of an outfit
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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