You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
