Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
