Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
