Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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