I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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