She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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