That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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