Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
