Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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