i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize