she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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