i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
