You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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