My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
