Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
