omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
