there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Shame is for Republicans.
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