when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
