You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
