3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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